Henkels Town Pump - Rhinelander, WI

Why would you want to eat at a place called the town pump? The Little Marinara and I have been asking ourselves that question for years. We go by this joint all the time; it is only a ½ mile from our house. I am guessing it is the curb appeal or lack of, that has kept us away or is it the name. Now I know why they call it the town pump. Years ago when I was the Little Ragu this place had two gas pumps and was a local gin mill. It was also in the Town of Woodboro, hence town pump – or maybe it was because they pumped booze into the old geezers who hung out at the bar.

Oh well, it is Friday and raining, no it is a huge downpour so the Little Marinara and I decide we do not want to drive too far. We look at each other and decide Town Pump after all. If it looks too bad on the inside we can just leave. Three minutes later we are walking in the front door soaking wet, heads turn to look at us and I am waiting for the usual they must be from Mars attitude. To our surprise everyone is friendly asks how we are and comment on how bad the rain is. We find a place at the bar and Marilyn orders an Old Fashioned and I have my Martini. I am guessing it is better to have it on the rocks and forgo the straight-up option. The drinks are great I am smoking a good cigar and my edge is wearing off. As I look around, the place is full of old lumberjack tools; saws and big things that can take your arm off. There is also a non-smoking as well as a smoking dining room. One end of the bar is a 60” flat screen, not bad for a Town Pump. My eyes focus on a jar behind the bar labeled ‘Lake Slime” and over the jar is a sign indicating a contest between Squash Lake and Crescent Lake, order a drink, name your lake and a ticket goes into a pot, on Labor day the lake with the most tickets wins a pizza party. This stuff is gruesome it looks like someone put some frogs in a blender and then added some yogurt to give it body. I’ll pass on the pizza party. So lets eat!

We get a table in the no smoking section, and look over the menu. The Fish Fry here is pan-fried not deep-fried. We both order the standard Fish Fry. As we gaze over the other tables we see someone having Homemade Potato Chips. They look great so we order some and were not disappointed. Dinner is served and the Fries are also homemade, there is a side of slaw that was average and then something different – fry bread. I can tell I am going to need an extra dose of some simvastatin tonight. The fish was fantastic, light, flakey and full of flavor. Marilyn also said the same about hers. I’ll be back I want to see how the lake slime jar is doing.

I guess I am pumped about the Town Pump. Henkel's Town Pump is located West of Rhinelander at 7161 US Highway 8.

The Big Ragu gives this a 4 outa 5

The Hide-A-Way - Harshaw, WI

“Rat-A-Tat-Tat Please Come Back” this slogan along with bullet holes is found on the T-shirts of all the employees. The Hide-A-Way Resort was built in 1938 as a gangsters ‘funhouse’. I am not really sure what that means but that is how the owners advertise the place. I can tell you this much, the gangsters must have felt very safe because I tried to find the joint last week (see the Silver Birch review) and tried again this week. This time I took the car with the GPS. As we left the house I smiled at the Little Marinara and told her no problamo we will find it this time. 18 miles later the Bitch in the Box told me that trip guidance was no longer available. We are on a gravel road in the middle of nowhere and I am having a bad feeling that I am again screwed. We are driving down some road and all of a sudden see a sign for the Hide-A-Way, I am thinking that I might take credit for my great navigational skills but decide that I don’t want a smack upside the head so I leave it rest. Smart move – for once.

We park in a field adjacent to the restaurant and it appears that the place is packed. This is a good sign, they probably have decent food. The immediate downside is the climb up the stairs to get to the bar and restaurant, but we make it and luck out and find two spots at the bar. They let me smoke a cigar and have an idea how to make a Martini. We register for a table with Bob and two drinks and an hour and a half later we are told our table is ready. We are hungry and looking forward to food. Our waitress comes over and brings us one (1) glass of water; we never get an answer as to why only one and we never get another glass of water. I can only surmise that since they are busy, water glasses must be a rare commodity, on the other hand maybe they only have 20 glasses and this is normal. Oh well, Marilyn orders the Blue Gill with Hashbrowns ($11.00) and I order the Fish Fry which happens to be all you can eat ($9.00). 40 minutes later I flag down our waitress to find out the status of the food, she tell us not too much longer, I ask her for some bread or crackers she willingly complies and returns with a small loaf of bread and some butter. Another 30 minutes elapses and I again ask her for an update on the food, I am told that since the Little Marinara ordered Hashbrowns the food takes longer to prepare – I am not sure if I should laugh or be pissed-off or both – I choose both. A minute or two later the food appears; now I have to try and not let my attitude cloud my judgment of the food. To my great relief I did not need to worry; the food was average on its own and did not need help from my less that stellar attitude. Marilyn received three pieces of Blue Gill, warm Cole Slaw and Hashbrown that had a very odd aftertaste; they were probably infused with other delectable delights on the hottop prior to serving. I receive two pieces of bland Cod, Deep Fried Freezer Fries and warm Cole Slaw. Our waitress asked if I wanted more fish and just out of curiosity to see how long it would lake I ordered one more piece – 15 minutes later it arrives – I asked for the check at the same time to make sure we would get out on the same evening. A table next to us asked to have the food boxed as they were tired of waiting. Our neighbors from the lake were also there and the following day I asked how long they waited and it was over an hour from the time they were seated.

So much for spending an evening at the gangsters ‘funhouse’, it would probably be more fun to drive a nail into my head than go through that ordeal again. Since I have had a few Martinis the Little Marinara drives home, she makes two turns and has us back at the house in 15 minutes – so much for my internal compass and the GPS.

The Big Ragu gives this a 2 Outa 5. “Rat-A-Tat-Tat I won’t be back”

Silver Birch Supper Club - Tomahawk, WI

I’m a guy, I don’t need directions or a map, I drive by my internal compass. Well at least I do most of the time! Since we moved to Northern WI I have found out that most roads do not go from point A to B, we have a lot of lakes in between that I am sure God put there just to screw with me.

It was just a 15-mile ride to the restaurant selection of the evening, The Little Marinara and I picked up our friends Dave and Joanne for a Friday evening of Martinis and Fish. We get to the first corner and Dave says turn right, but no I know a better way that will come out closer to where we need to be and besides it a more scenic drive, I told Marilyn to look for Sheep Ranch road and we will turn right – umh – seems that the road was behind us, guess I should have followed Dave’s advice and turned right, but no problem I know another short cut, 30 miles later I decide to turn on a road I am sure will get us where we need to go. The farther I go the narrower the road gets. The only thing we see is a fox walking along the side of the road. I open the window and hear the soft strains of banjo music lofting through the air. I know I am screwed, give up and turn the car around.

The question is now where do we eat? Dave has a great idea. It seems there is a place down the road he almost purchased 20 years ago called the Silver Birch. It sounds good to me and we are off. It is now hours after we left the house and the Little Marinara is giving me the evil eye as she is hungry – I turn to look at her and all I see is a deer. It looks like the critter is going to come through the door and I am going 55mph, I do a small swerve to the left and as I look in my rearview I see the deer going down butt first and the car behind me trying to avoid him which he did. So lets review, can’t find the first restaurant, saw a fox, almost hit a deer and I am still getting the evil eye. I follow Dave’s directions and we now end up at a dead end- the evil eye is throbbing and I need a Martini. We duck down the next road and there rising like a phoenix from the lake is the Silver Birch and it is packed. I drop everyone off at the door and have to drive two blocks away to park. As I walk to the door a guy in the front row drives away – just my luck – oh well if it were not for bad luck this evening I wouldn’t have any at all.

I slide inside and the place has a nice bar overlooking a small lake, it is done in the traditional knotty pine and has a lot of crafty things suspended from the ceiling. I am guessing a woman owns this place because there are no dead animals hanging from the walls. Of course I am correct. We meet our hostess Chris and she is turned out in a great ensemble complete with hat. Dave knows her and we collectively determine that she is still hot. The girls are already at the bar with drinks – for themselves – not us, however the evil eye has mellowed some. Dave and I order Martinis and we get these wonderful huge drinks – life has just gotten better. Two drinks and an hour later our table is ready. The Little Marinara and Joanne order Poor Mans Lobster with Hash Brown and Dave and I order the Fish Fry. Our waitress starts us off with hot garlic breadsticks that melt in your mouth. The fish is served and prepared to perfection. Sides included were French fries, Hashbrowns, Cole Slaw and an interesting take on tarter sauce. Ours was lightly infused with chipotle which made for a great combination.

The fish was priced right for what we received $8.95 for the Fish Fry and $9.95 for the Poor Mans Lobster. I did note that some of the other menu items seemed a bit high for the area, but then if it the food is good, price should not be the deciding issue. The Silver Birch is located on W6009 Taylor Lane outside of Tomahawk, WI. The Big Ragu gives this a 4 Outa 5.